Bird

A woman was on her way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. As she sat at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into her windshield. If that wasn't bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper. Just then the light turned green and there she was with a bird stuck on the windshield. Without any other apparent options, turning on the windshield wipers seemed the only thing to do. It actually worked. On the upswing, the bird flew off...and then slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind her. Unfortunately, it happened to be a police car. Immediately the lights went on and she was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told her he saw what had happened at the light. However, trying to plead her case fell on deaf ears. He simply stated: “I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.”
—FREE lunch for Linda

JOKES WE CAN’T PRINT IN FAX/EMAIL EDITIONS

January 22, 2009
Did you know that in ancient England, a person could not have sex unless they had the consent of the King (unless they were a member of the Royal Family)? When anyone wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king and the king would give them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had “F.U.C.K” on it (Fornication Under Consent of the King). Now you know where the “F” word came from.

January 21, 2009
Every Sunday morning, grandpa would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time just for them. One particular Sunday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like going out. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" "Oh yes, PaPa" the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or a stupid shithead anywhere we went today!"

Children’s Letters to God...PRICELESS!!!